Wednesday, June 29, 2005

San Jose Improv. Yet again, Chicken Tenders and Bass Ale. I’m not even sure if they have anything else on the menu there. My mother-in-law was there. She said I was the best one. Actually, she didn’t say anything, but if she were to say something, I’m hoping that it would be that I was the best one.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Luckily the very funny Nick Leonard had another commitment, so I got to do the show on Pink Saturday. I got at least one fag, one fag hag and two lesbians to show up. Think what they were missing out on! Dwight Slade, a totally polished professional and childhood friend of the great Bill Hicks, was the headliner. Claude Stuart, who bears a remarkable resemblance to Beeker from The Muppet Show, was the feature, and he was great fun. No one really laughed at my BGLT joke (my husband thought it was a sandwich. Badumpba. Nothing?). I had hotdogs for dinner. Brain food. ‘Cause it’s made from brains. And not even pig brains.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

“Mixed Nuts: Comics on Meds,” Comedy Green Room, San Francisco. Another Nuts show, this time with very special guest Nut, Gretchen Rootes. I ordered a fried food platter. Couldn’t tell the calamari from the mozzarella sticks. This time around, I emceed. Not a great crowd, and somehow no money. I did sell four refrigerator magnets! (BTW, get yours by sending me an email and asking for one.)

Thursday, June 16, 2005

“Five Funny Females,” 50 Mason, San Francisco. Skipped dinner to make it up to the city in time. I got there just in time to turn around and go right back home. Apparently, “Five Funny Females” sells out every month. Except this month. You know how comedians say, “that was a long way to go for . . .?” Well, that was a long way to go.

Wednesday, June 14, 2005

San Jose Improv, San Jose. Chicken Tenders and Bass Ale. Every time the guy who books the Improv is there, I tank. So I blame him. I’ve realized that because of my connection to Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale, I will never get hired at The Improv. That’s my excuse. It’s not because I’m not funny. I’m sure of that. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

“Mark Pitta and Friends,” 142 Throckmorton Theatre, Mill Valley. The theater provides little pitta pizzas and other things for the comedians, so that’s what I had for dinner. I’d been trying to get on at this gig for a long time, and I finally got a five-minute set. I went up first, after Mark Pitta and did pretty well. Marin audiences are so liberal that they are conservative (I think that’s a Will Durst line). They are so politically correct almost everything offends them. But they seemed to like me. Larry “Bubbles” Brown was there. He calls me Schumann, and we talk about melanoma. Ocular melanoma especially. Wonder how they test for that? Leslie Chollar was also there, although she didn’t perform. Bill Santiago also performed, and the audience LOVED him. Mark Yoffe (sorry Mark, I KNOW I’m spelling your name wrong, but what’s a girl to do?) and Norm Goldblatt also performed. The headliner was Bobby Slayton, the pitbull of comedy. The Mill Valley crowd couldn’t stop their nether region from puckering, and for some it became so uncomfortable they had to go home and apply Tucks(). At least no one walked during my five minutes! Afterward we went to some Italian restaurant nearby and had a few drinks. I sat right across from Bobby Slayton. Wow, that close to greatness. In case you don’t know who Bobby Slayton is, he played Joey Bishop in the movie about the Rat Pack. In case you don’t know the Rat Pack, pick up a book sometime. Or rent a movie. Perhaps even the movie about the Rat Pack.

Saturday, June 12, 2005

Crow’s Nest, Santa Cruz. I was opening for Dennis Gaxiola, a Latino comic with a lot of heat right now. I ate dinner at home before heading over the hill. Grilled meats. Yum. As for the show, at least they didn't throw things at me.

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

"Stage Presence" at Mulligans Pub and Bar and Grill or something. Here's exactly how I described it to another comedian bud of mine:

It started a little late, and the room was incredibly noisy. There's also this weird set up because the performance area is upstairs, and there is a "cut out" in the floor where you can see the bar downstairs. But the folks downstairs can't see or hear you; although their noises come up through it. Also, because of that shape, there's this "back pocket" that is still part of the show but separated, kind of like the back of the room at the Crow's Nest.

There was a drunk guy who had that crazy homeless look about him, wandering about and being incredibly loud. Apparently, as in most situations like this, there is no "bouncer" to kick people like that out.

But I was undaunted. I started out with jokes, like "a guy walks into a bar." Just to get their attention. Once I had it, I launched into material.

Then I really truly had fun, and so did the audience. It turned into a great show, and I'd like to go back there. And as I told Dean Inouye, my dinner consisted of Chex Party Mix, yogurt covered raisins, and beer. I am one sexy woman!

Saturday, June 4, 2005

I probably shouldn't have had all those teeny tiny sips of Sparkling Almond at the Sunnyvale Art and Wine Festival. Drinking in the sun is very economical. I had a massive corn dog at the festival that kept me satiated for quite some time. Never mind the wise cracks about my husband. Another one and a half hour drive (each way!) to the Fat Cat, for the second night. I got there way early and napped in my car. Like a bum. Like a bum would nap in their car, assuming the bum had a car. I felt different that night. Much more relaxed. I didn't care as much, and I'm not sure why. But I totally had fun up there, and the audience really responded. It was a great show! I redeemed myself!

Friday, June 3, 2005

High off my successful 5 minutes at the Improv, I looked forward to my 15-20 at the Fat Cat in Modesto. Maybe it was the fried sampler platter I had for dinner, maybe it was the two-plus hour drive, but I wasn't "feeling it" on Friday. The audience was feeling it -- they felt like I stink like rotten eggs! Actually, it wasn't that bad, but headliner Vic Dunlop, feature Steve Austin and guest setter Gabriel Sunday didn't really make eye contact with me after the show.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

I stole one and a half chicken tenders from Tammy, and that was my dinner. The San Jose Improv for the SFCC Grad Show. It was a tough gig with 17 comedians doing 5 minutes each. Everyone pretty much stuck to their time and it was a great show. Thanks to all the new grads who can still get their family and friends to come out to see them! Ken Townsend did a great job as emcee. Michael Slack closed the show. "Did I ever tell you [he's] my hero?"

More dinners . . .